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Embracing Change
Change.
At times of our lives that word opens the heart and encourages
possibility. Other times we feel ourselves avoiding change,
preferring to stay consistent in our days and wishing for
nothing to shake up our world.
Change is both inevitable, and something we can learn to embrace
in new ways. When we embrace the opportunity for change, we
begin to see the flow of life differently. Instead of stopping
and holding tightly to things that no longer serve us, we become
more flexible (you
may enjoy my article on structure and freedom) and enjoy
life more.
So where does this fear of change come from? It can occur for
many reasons. Some reasons are comfort and striving for
control.
For instance, some of us find as we get older, we prefer change
less. We become used to certain routines and enjoy the calmness
of what we have created in our worlds. Change can feel like
something forced upon us. Especially when it's not something we
chose.
For those who have dealt with trauma in their lives there may be
a natural tendency to avoid changes which can retrigger the
feeling of being out of control. Holding to a routine can help
us feel stronger, more in control of our world. Yet this can
also create an unreal sense of security so that when major
changes occur without our control, we can feel the emotional
effects even stronger.
So how do we learn to be more flexible in our openness to
change?
First, as an NLP professional, I like to learn from those who do
change well (a process we call modeling).
I
have found over the years that there are various classes of
individuals who often embrace change with less or no fear. They
are: children (who haven't had major traumas), entrepreneurs,
those with consistent meditation practices and those who have
had many changes forced upon them and chose to view their lives
differently (such as those who had near death experiences or
lost their homes due to hurricanes or other natural disasters).
There are various things I've learned by exploring change with
these groups of individuals. Three aspects they have taught me
go hand and hand with flexibility in life's changes are:
- a view that no matter what happens they will be able to handle
it and/or deal with the outcome effectively. (For children, this
meant they could depend on their caregiver's to keep them safe.)
- the belief that there is more to life than they know and so
change is sometimes learning, and
- the wish to continue learning and exploring life's mysteries
as an observer and adventurer of sorts.
These three traits (which can also be conscious choices)
provided an inner landscape of calm for those I've worked with
that allowed them to look at change through a lens of potential,
rather than lack.
I've found for those who do feel uneasy about change, asking
ourselves certain questions in the midst of the fear can help
break through and release it.
The next time you feel stuck in change ask yourself the following questions:
- if there were no fear, would this change be necessary?
- am I choosing this change consciously and if not, do I want
this change?
- is this the only option for change or could there be another
option I don't see yet that could be better for me?
- am I avoiding this change because I believe it's not right for
me or because I'm scared of making a change?
- what do I really want here? (always make this the last
question)
Answering these questions can open your heart and mind to the
opportunity to make a change that can be right for you.
I hope you found this article helpful and look forward to seeing
how you embrace change in your life.
Many Blessings,
Jenifer Shapiro
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